A night out-quiverfull style

Curtain Opens to a family of 5- soon to be 6- "relaxing" on the couch.

Scene 1:

Son 1 uses Father as jungle gym.

Son 2 cuddles into mama trying desperately to get comfortable around her bulging abdomen.

Son 3 is threatening to throw baby doll at Son 2, making him squeal and elbow Mama's belly.

Father: It's 3:42...what are we going to do for the rest of the evening? How are we going to make it to bed time?

Mother: (offers half-hearted laugh and sighs) I don't know.

Father: Hey, maybe we should drive to (enter town's name an hour away) so we can get snacks and breakfast stuff to take to the conference with us and then we can get pizza while we're out.

Mother: (Knowing the hotel has a fully stocked hot breakfast and there are still some left over snacky things in the pantry from the last grocery shopping trip she could bring in the car for the boybarians) GREAT IDEA!

Mother happily gathers diaper bag and gets ready to go while imagining a night without cooking and cleaning up the kitchen and trying to entertain 3 boys while it's raining out.

Scene 2 opens with family in the car.

Father appears to be trying to have an important discussion with Mother.

Son 3 (21 months): MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM!

Mother: (to husband) sorry dear. (Turns to son) WHAT?!

Son 3: HI!

Mother: Hi son. Now please be quiet. (turns back to Father)

Son 3: MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM!

repeat entire hour drive.

Scene 3 opens with Family arriving at pizza restaurant.

Father struggles to carry Son 1 (who has fallen asleep in the car) and Son 2 into restaurant through pouring rain. Mother lags behind carrying Son 3.

Mother and Father settle children into seats and try to resume important conversation.

Son 3 pops up and down in high chair like a jack-in-the-box while Mother tries to talk and sit him down at the same time.

Son 1 sits in Father's lap trying to cuddle/wrestle him as he wakes up wired.

Son 2 sips from a giant cup the waiter brought him spilling on himself every few sips while mother tries to help him and hand him napkins.

Mother and Father try desperately to not grow frustrated as their conversation takes a back seat.

Finally the family rises to leave and the owner of the joint catches Mother with a big grin.

Owner: (with way to big a smile) Aww, so how long now until that little blessing is finally here?!

Mother (struggling with son 3 and struggling to smile) ohhh, about 5 weeks now.

Owner: Wow! So soon! That's so great!

Mother (knowing owner had been watching the entire dinner while mother and father struggled with the three boybarians and seemed to enjoy it far too much): Oh yes, it certainly is.

Family rushes out to car in rain while mother and father take turns strapping 3 kids into carseats. Father goes to walk around car to his seat as Mother tries to climb up into full size van. She slips on the wet steps and completely wipes out on the ground.

Mother: (staring down at giant belly) COME OUUUUTTT!!!!!!!

Scene 4, grocery store.

All attempts at conversation have ceased as Mother and Father walk tired through the store. Children turn heads here and there looking at all the wonders.

Suddenly the children are models of perfect behavior.

Son 3 happily babbles to himself as he sits nicely in cart.

Son 2 walks next to mommy: Mommy, can I hold your hand?

Mother: Aww, sure, I love to hold your hand.

Son 1: Look Mama, pumpkins for trick or treating. Those are cool. (Son 1 continues on without even asking for one of the said pumpkins.)

Seeing that the pumpkins are only 1$ and the children don't have anything to carry for trick or treating, Mother looks at father questioningly. Father nods agreement.

Mother: Which color would you want if you could have one?

Son 1: Orange?

Mother hands pumpkin to Son 1.

Sons 2 and 3 begin happily squealing and shouting out their preferred colors.

Family continues on 3 pumpkins heavier and Mother then sees a bin of matchbox cars on clearance for 84 cents each. Father nods approval and Mother again treats children to their selections of the cars.

Children, thrilled with the unexpected treasures, romp through the store shaking their cars inside their plastic pumpkins.

Mother begins feeling crampy from her fall and begins to complain as she walks.

Suddenly a whole family of church members (including 3 generations) comes around the corner and greets Mother and Father. The children begin their excited chatter about their treasures and fun evening out.

20 Min later shopping resumes.

Finally Mother and Father have gathered what they needed (after retrieving the pumpkin and car from the floor a million times during shopping for Son 3). Family turns into check-out lane and unloads goods.

Father: (to mother) Are you OK?

Mother: Yea, my back just hurts.

Father: I'm sorry dear. Let's get you home.

Son 3: PUNKIN! PUNKIN! RACE CAR! RACE CAR!

Son 1: (to cashier) Look! We got new pumpkins for trick or treating! Mine is orange. I can't wait to trick or treat! I'm going to be Captain America. But my brother wants to be Captain America too. So I don't know what we'll do about that 'cause we only have one Captain America costume. But Mama will figure something out!

Son 1: RACE CAR! RACE CAR! RACE CAR!

Cashier sweetly hands each child back their respective pumpkins and race cars then turns to Mother.

Cashier: Hoping for a girl this time?

Mother: (smiling politely) It's a boy.

Mother notices adjacent line's shoppers chuckling and laughing at her announcement and smiles politely to them as well.

Cashier: ohhhh woooowww.

Mother: Yes, think I should invest in some padded walls?

Cashier, relieved, laughs.

Mother and Father exit store as quickly as possible.

1 hr later the family is finally home.

Mother tosses leftover pizza on the counter with purse while father drops large armload of grocery bags.

Mother: At least the kitchen is clean.