Little Glimpses

I'm two weeks away from 38 weeks. It was 38 weeks that a very dear friend of mine lost her baby just this spring. There was no warning, no weeks in the NICU, no ultrasounds revealing serious problems, no sickness...only a very healthy beautiful baby boy that the Lord called home in an instant while his mama prepared for him.

It's safe to say that with age and slowly increasing wisdom (experience) comes that ever growing realization, sometimes overwhelmingly so, that we are not as young as we used to be and that at any moment our life could go all Job on us.

A few days ago I started reading this book. I was deep cleaning my room and found it in a stack and the title caught my attention. Who can't use more grace 4 weeks from the terror of labor?

Anyhow, one of the first sections spoke of Martin Luther's famous line, "We are beggars this is true." that he scribbled out on a piece of paper on his death bed.

Tonight my husband took our children for a drive to scout for deer. While he was gone I put away laundry in each of their rooms. It was getting dark fast and, since I'm not all alone too often, I started feeling panicky in the quiet house. What if they get in an accident? It took a matter of seconds for me to see in my mind a cop knocking on the door and the terrible news a bad accident would bring. Call me neurotic but I quickly picked up the phone to see if they were close to getting back. After chatting for a couple minutes my husband was home and my three boys were mauling me. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Some think the journey of a Christian is about going from darkness to light. Progressing. Becoming closer to God. Sinning less. Trusting more. Doing more good works. But as a mother with a growing family, a body growing older while still continuing the work of growing and birthing children, and children growing up in need of more and more instruction...I am constantly and daily reminded more so than I ever was as a child of my desperate state. A state that does not improve. A state that leaves me just as much as ever before....helpless. Scared. In need.

We are beggars this is true.

I know the pain I am getting ready to face. I can only hope and pray it doesn't involve the horrendous trauma it has in the past. But all of these little glimpses and reminders of the end result of sin (death) are all the more reminders of the true end result thanks only to the mercy and sacrifice of Jesus: Forgiveness. Redemption. Salvation. Love. The end of tears and sin and sickness and fear. Forever in the arms and loving embrace of our Father surrounded by all those who have gone before us.