Today was a bad day.
At bed time my oldest son asked me to pray a "special prayer" aka not our Luther's Evening prayer or prayers we read from our devotions once they were in bed. Normally I pray thanking God in a list for each of the things we were able to do that day (the good things so they go to bed thinking about the fun we had) and then asking His protection through the night and that everyone would have sweet dreams. I end by asking the Lord to continue to strengthen us in the One True Faith unto life everlasting.
Tonight I prayed a prayer of repentance. In near tears I begged God...forgetting my children were even listening...to forgive me for being "such a bad mom". I confessed my inability to be patient all the time, my inability to show them His perfect love all the time, and my inability to not be completely selfless in my care for them. I asked the Lord to please forgive my sins and to give me His strength and wisdom so that I could respond in gentleness and love instead of being cranky and snippy. Finally I asked God to protect us and ended the prayer as usual.
When I opened my eyes my oldest son was staring at me in disbelief. I looked up at him (he sleeps in a top bunk :) and he said quietly, "Mom? Why would you pray something like that? You are NOT a bad mom. You are a good mom....a very good mom. And mom, everyone gets cranky and has bad days, and even when you're angry and cranky I love you and think you're a good mom."
In that moment I saw Christ, caring for his mother even in the agony of His death.
My son is growing up. But not only is he growing physically, but God has been faithful in His Baptism of my son and indeed is growing him in his faith, despite all of my failures as his mother. From the mouths of babes God has prepared praise and you know, earlier today as I was grouching at my toddler I lamented internally how much less patience I have for him than I did for his oldest brother...how much less I hold him...how much less I can give him. And then I saw his oldest brother holding and comforting him minutes later and realized it's happening...my son is maturing in his faith. God is faithful. Thank you Father!!!
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4 comments:
Yesterday was a bad day for me, too. In telling my husband about it, I started crying. My son noticed, and ran to get a towel. He had his daddy pick him up and he used the towel to dry my tears. While he's drying my tears he says, "I'm making mommy happy." I cried even more, but this time out of happiness, even though I knew he'd picked the towel up off the bathroom floor!
This one gave me tears too :) Both the post and your comment, Leah! I completely relate.
There is nothing so amazing than to receive grace from God through your own little child.
My son and I once prayed a similar prayer together, me in tears like you, and afterwards he looked up at me and said, "Mommy, God loves us even when we're naughty." and he hugged me.
He's three.
It was exactly the word I needed to get through the day.
:D
Leah, that totally choked me up. From the mouths of babes God has prepared praise huh? God is so good :)
Emily, it was so humbling to receive grace from one so young and yet I swear it felt better than hearing grace from older people. So sweet and so fully forgiving.
"It is no small thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us." --Emily Dickinson
And I really think that's the crux of it. The young ones bear the fresher, closer image to Him who is Forgiveness Personified.
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